Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
