my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
