I wish I could punch you in the face.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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