just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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