Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
