I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
