you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.