My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
