You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
