...so i touched it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
