he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
