return my video game
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
