Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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