my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
