hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
