i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
