Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
