just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
