I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
