tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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