Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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