I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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