tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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