Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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