Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize