Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
