I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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