People in love make me want to vomit
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
