he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize