last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
