I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
