Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
