Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
