Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
