I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
