ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
