She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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