i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
