oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
