You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
