I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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