how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I AM VODKA MAN
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
