Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
