well you can't waste a boner
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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