we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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