Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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