You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Randomize
