oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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