I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
