next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
