Moan for me like Helen Keller
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
