im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
