so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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