someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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