Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
