My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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