just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
