I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
