my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
