Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
