there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
