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You can't motorboat a personality
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
