she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
