Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
