Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
