dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
