hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
