i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Everything about him screamed your future.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
