i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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