my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
